Tuesday, 22 April 2008

An escape from the double bind

There are times when it's impossible to do 'The Right Thing', when no such thing exists. To meet the needs of all parties when they conflict, or to conform to the needs of your employer when the evidence suggests that you shouldn't is a rather shitty position to be in.

The finer details I cannot share with you, for obvious reasons. Let it be said however, that my loyalties are being sorely tested right now. Do I protect the needs of the organisation, so that it's strengthened to do its good work, or do I lead it down a path of culpability so that a moral wrong could be made right?

Perhaps I'm an apt container for this ambivalence. I can hold it on the behalf of others, so that they might feel certain and safe that they know the right answer. Or perhaps I'm just the fall guy who's here to take the flack. Either way, there's no way for it to be won.

So tonight I gardened - removing weeds from my borders - certain that any green that was there but not of my making, would be removed and composted to feed what was.

It made me happy.


Anonymous said...

gardening is a such a great respite! Mine is just getting started with tiny green blooms and a few planted from seedlings. I'll try to post a pic today :)

I have no idea exactly what you were talking about, but you seem conflicted and for that I am sorry. I'd say follow your heart, but in the workplace that doesn't always fly and sadly we all need the money...

stuart said...

only really one way to look at this m8, do what you feel is right as much as you can whilst still doing what you must to avoid the world (or some little part of it) falling on your head.

as for being a scapegoat, if you must be, then take it like a man, but plot your revenge for when the chance comes.

jamon said...

Cheers guys!

Things have a habit of panning out OK. I stuck to my guns - today was the crunch meeting.

I had a sleepless night last night - 4am my brain nagged for me to redo the stats & evidence behind my argument. So much so that I had to get up and do it there and then.

I'm fucked now, but it paid off.

My will prevailed ;)