Wednesday, 20 February 2008

Right there under my nose

Before Sunday I don't think I'd met a real life Scientologist. Perhaps I had but they were disguised as normal people. I do have a nose for oddness however, so I'm pretty sure I'd have spotted them - what with their freaky alien tentacles hidden under their trench coats and all.

Imagine my suprise then, when on a family trip to the Newcastle Quayside Market, I bump into a pair of them pedalling their bullshit, bold as brass, right there infront of me!

I guess my sentiments were let slip when I shouted back to Miche "Hey, it's the Church of Scientology! Well I'll never!"

The pair looked over sharpish, but quickly got back to the business of standing at their stall all nonchalantly like. They looked decidedly shifty to me. The chuckling musn't have ingratiated me neither, as I had to hang around inspecting their stall for a good minute or two before they approached me.

"Hi I'm Beth, would you like to take the free stress test?"

"No thanks, I don't think it's up my street" I replied.

"I think you may find it enlightening, sir." She said with a knowing grin. "Tell me, what's your name?"

I swear, it came out of my mouth before I'd even thought it -

"I'm sorry, I'd prefer to remain Anonymous."

How cool was that? Eh? I swear, she went white. If only it was deliberate.

I assumed, given her reaction, that our conversation was over, so I retreated to take the photo you see above. It didn't go down well, because no more than two minutes later they'd packed up their little stall and trolleyed it out of the market.

Ok, if I'm honest, it was only an hour before closing time so they may have hoofed it anyways, but I did feel a slight sense of achievement.

Am I bad?

Incidentally, names are changed and faces are blurred, simply because my beef is with the organisation, not these daft mites who hung around a freezing cold market stall for six hours on a Sunday.


stuart said...

"Incidentally, ... faces are blurred"

Dammit, up until i read that bit i thought i had spotted a sure fire way to identify scientologists.

Anonymous said...

Scientologists -- they walk among us...

You must be to them as Kryptonite is to Superman, or perhaps your theton levels must be too strong for them. It must be something like that.

Maybe you should start the Church of Antiscientology.

jamon said...

Stu: as I said - just look for the tentacles.

Murph: I think it could have been the cologne.

commander other said...


hrm. as a dumbass American, i always thought Newcastle was just a soccer team with a beer named after it.

sadly(?), we don't get much of the scientology type out here in the middle of the northern plains, where there are so many other forms of ultraconservativism. too much competition for the mouth-breathing, i suppose.

jamon said...

Don't worry commander. Us Europeans think we're cultured and sophisticated - but I would bet none of us know about the subtleties of the northern plains ;)

Oh, and it's football, not soccer ;)

You get Brown Ale there too? Wow! We call it Dog up north.

It comes from the archetypal Geordie bloke telling the wife that he's out to walk the dog whilst actually he nips in to the pub for a few bottles of the brown stuff...

Thanks for dropping by BTW.

Fancy a pint?

commander other said...

lol. you betcha. actually, i fancy a few pints.

and i do know it's "football", just had to do my bit to make sure i came across like a dumbass American. actually, i'm a referee just one level below our MLS, and too old to advance any further (it's what i get for taking over a decade off while i was in the Army). i even used to play in our old NASL (North American [football] League).

i just blogrolled you, by the by. sorry, you're doomed, now. but i enjoyed a rather extended stroll through your writings here yesterday and look forward to more.

jamon said...

Thanks for the link man!

Riker said...


That was phenomenal! I'm always the guy who thinks of that snappy remark... while I'm in the bathroom a few days later. Cheers to you for pulling it off!

And for the record, Newcastle is one of my favorite beers.

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