Friday, 15 June 2007

Out damned spot

I've screwed up. Through my propensity for openness, I've placed my wife in a position of difficulty. My error of judgement, whilst in good faith, has quietly reverberated since I made it, some months ago now.

Its potential lurked unnoticed until yesterday, when it was unleashed upon my unsuspecting spouse.

I feel guilty. Guilty as a Catholic to be frank. Yet I've had to resist the primary urge to punish myself. There will be ample time for that. Instead, I've tried to concentrate on making right what's been undone. Mending and patching where I can. Absorbing the concussion waves where I can't.

Now, if I were to tell you what this great crime was, and describe it in words, its power might be diminished. Shown for what it is - a mere triviality blown out of proportion.

The problem is, the world just doesn't work like that. Truths get blurred, pride gets bruised and perspectives lost.

Shit sticks.

A climb up The Holy Stairs on my knees, given the right mindset, could do me good.

"So let's get this right God - all I need to do is crawl up a set of stone steps and my sins will be absolved?"

"Yes, my Son."

"Fancy that."

No, I've opted for the harder path, the only true way; head down and a sincere apology. Learn the lessons to be learned and sort out what you can. This is my penance - real and painful.

Mind you, I think I'll vacuum the stairs tonight quite thoroughly. Just to be sure.

Nihil est miserius quam animus hominis conscius


Anonymous said...

Interesting to see a 'mea culpa' through a man's perspective. I think you might possibly think it through a bit more than my husband does. He's not one to ponder much, though we have been together long enough that he's conditioned to know what I expect from him in the event he screws up. Conversely, the same goes for me, but he never makes such big deal out of me being on the wrong end of disagreement. I'd never make it as a lesbian :p

stuart said...

I guess you'll never really know unless you give it a try. Let us know how ye get on.

jamon said...

Stu, you are a crude man.

jamon said...

Let me apologise on behalf of my freind.

He has simple tastes

Anonymous said...

I do something like this every day

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

What happens to a man when he finds himself in a continuum of falling in love with a woman? Does it make him crazy? Is it insanity? We all have are stairs to climb. Hopefully, by the time we get to the top, we've been thoughtful to reflect on things, and not merely counting the steps.

jamon said...

The thing is Murph, I suspect the stairs go on for ever.

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