Monday, 29 October 2007

A fifty pence - twenty pence moment

Earlier this evening Dominic & I were reading a rather good human anatomy flip book. We'd just got to the brain bit when we heard a blood curdling scream from upstairs. We bolted up them, two at a time, to discover Miche & Meg on top of a bed, clutching each other in terror.

This beast was hounding the poor pair - lurking on the carpet and taunting them. Waggling his mandibles. The bastard.

Of course, being the man, I'm the spider catcherer of the household. I kind of like the wee blighters to be honest. I catch them between my palms. Sometimes I even peek at them.

This one was a monster however. I'll admit to a fifty pence - twenty pence moment, if you catch my drift. It took all my effort, for the benefit of the kids of course, to kneel down and say "Cool! Come on everyone, lets look at him."

There was no fucking way I was touching him! Besides, he was a house spider and autumn is a particularly bad time for them.You see, they come out of their crannies to find a mate.

As this bull was huge and horny, I had no desire to have him hump my thumb like a dog with his nadgers still intact, thankyouverymuch.

You'll note that I resorted to the old glass & birthday card trick.


Anonymous said...

Gee whiz that's one big spider! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

*flees the room*

Wanderin' Weeta said...

Cool! He is a big one, if that is a regulation-size glass.

jamon said...

Yup - he was a big 'un. I could've combed the hair on his legs.

Stew said...

House spiders can reach startling sizes.
I remember once, Fiona & I were in the lounge one evening watching TV. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a movement. It wasn't a spider. It was the fringes on the bottom of the armchair, those pretty dangly things that they use as trim. It was still waving from where the beast had just pushed through. There in the middle of the carpet was this monster of a spider. I also like the critters and will try to get them out of the house rather than kill them. I got a broom to shoo him out the door.
The spider's attitude was "A broom? A lousy broom? I'll take you on, eat the broom head and shove the handle up your arse! C'mon boy, let's get it on!"
I resorted to the glass and card, but in discretion went for a pint glass. I swaer I could hear it slavering and growling at me through the glass.

And this was bloody Berkshire, not Brazil.

jamon said...

I wonder what would happen if we put one of these up against a Brazilian Wolf spider?